Sweet Mother of Pearly Off Whites

Americans owe everyone in the UK a big apology - their teeth are really not that bad. The stereotypes of the snarl-toothed Brit are simply fictitious imaginations of bygone days. The reality of the matter is nobody has terrible teeth like the Chinese have terrible teeth.

When I broach the subject of 'dental insurance' with my students, they look at me quizzical wondering what it is. After explaining its like medical insurance but for your teeth, they shrug and say, 'oh, we don't have that'. Some students try to protest they don't have it because its covered under medical insurance, thus proving how superior Chinese health care is, grinning a proud smile which seems to be traveling in 8 different directions. There aren't really any dentists offices here, just hospitals where they'll have a look at your teeth. Plus, I don't think I've seen a kid with braces in 9 months.

I wonder how much pain my students can be in on a regular basis. It isn't uncommon for a students teeth to wander this way and that in their mouth. Others will have disturbing darkish spots above some teeth, which I can only imagine hurt like crazy, especially when twisting their mouths into odd shapes to pronounce English syllables. I had one girl in class yesterday with such a spot that, seemingly unprovoked, began to bleed in the middle of class. This isn't written to be disgusting, but to give a more accurate picture of the dire situation of teeth here.

I'm not saying that everyone has terrible teeth. Many of our students and all of my Chinese co-workers have exemplary teeth, cleaner, whiter and straighter than my own. They do, after all, have tooth paste here, though I dare not use it... if the tooth paste they export has poison I hate to think what the domestic products have in them. No, I brought a years supply of toothpaste with me when I came, deodorant too, but that's a different story.

I guess what I'm saying is, lay off England, alright? When I studied in London, one of my flatmates was studying to be a dentist, when I discovered that (A) dental care in England is quite good, and (B) the British have no idea we mock their teeth. So I ask you to redirect all of your bad-teeth stereotypes to China, because it might not be as bad as the other health problems China has been causing (SARS, Bird Flu), but I still don't want this epidemic to spread!