As I've said, I didn't go anywhere over spring festival, instead choosing to relax and readjust to China by cooking and stuffing myself on home-made delicacies. My girlfriend and I took turns alternating as head chef each night, while the other usually arranged the side dish or something. One of our dishes we had planned to make was a succulent stew of chicken, olives and tomatoes. The problem is that much like Christmas, rather than going out to eat at a restaurant, everyone cooks for the festival. This meant that there was no chicken breast left on the shelves of Carrefour and we were forced to improvise.
Selecting to instead purchase a whole chicken, which we could quarter on our own, we thought we could save money and still have our chicken dinner. What we were slow to realize is that... they like to use more parts of the chicken than we do!
As we cut the chicken free of it's packaging the first glaring difference lay across the cutting board. It still had it's head. We had expected this and it had been made clear that severing the chicken's head from its body was a mans task, and that I would need to do it. Wishing I had a black robe and a guillotine (which would have made it much easier) I had to settle for a beer to calm my nerves before severance could be served. Then with one big whack (followed by a lot of smaller whacks and some sawing...) the head came free and was immediately bagged and placed in the trash. We had won, I cut off the monsters head!!
The second fear was that the bird would have all of its innards, a thought which almost lead me to despair before I realized that the bird wasn't stuffed with its organs (they're too valuable and are sold separately), but instead was stuffed with it's own feet. That's right, after they killed and shaved the chicken they shoved his feet up his butt. What a way to go! Removing the feet proved far easier, and after some discussion about saving them for a future broth, they joined the head in the bottom of the bin.
The dish turned out great. The chicken's dignity, not so much.
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2 comments:
LOL now THAT is funny. I would have screamed through the entire process - you're a good sport!
Wow, I just had a vision of "future Dan" on an international book tour reading this excerpt from his latest bestseller. The details are exquisite (and as sarcastic as this must sound, once again, you really have captured this event with brilliant style.) Well played, sir!
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