Escalating the Situation

It's been months since I complained about the way people walk here. Perhaps I accepted that in a country of over 1.2 Billion it's difficult to move quickly. To be honest, I forget what solitude feels like... But the worse part about it all is there is no efficiency in people's step here. Never has a nation of so many failed to unite their brain power to collectively walk in an organized fashion. What we have is a mess of meandering Shanghainese.

The people of China grew up with their own mathematical and philosophical traditions, so it's possible that they never learned that 'the shortest distance between two points is a straight line.' I'm beginning to believe this is the case because I have yet to find a Chinese grandma who would pass the walk-the-line sobriety test. The zig-zag wandering all over the place is even more impressive given how many people there are packed onto the walkways - its a wonder there aren't dangerous collisions. I think there may be a natural gene or perhaps a microchip inserted into all Chinese people that allows them to sense when an urgently late foreigner is coming up from behind so they can step in front of him. If this is 'the Chinese way', just think how fast their economy could grow if they didn't waste time meandering back and forth!

One saving grace here is that in Shanghai I have no need to climb stairs for there are escalators everywhere! A quick escalator fact, in Chinese the word for 'escalator' and 'elevator' are the same, which translates directly to 'electric stairs'. There isn't anywhere I go that I need to climb stairs, its just sometimes faster than waiting in line for the escalators... yes, waiting in line. You see the Chinese have terrible escalator manners. I know what you're thinking, "Dan, so they stand on the left side, people do that here too." But its much worse than just that.

In China they do stand on the right, left, middle wherever, but it's when they get off that the real mind boggling happens. They stop. Chinese people take two steps off the escalator then stop and look around as if they didn't know where to go. The 30 second ride they just took wasn't long enough for them to collect their thoughts and plan their next move, so they stopped at the base of the escalator. Nobody says anything to them, as they stand their blinking with a deer in the headlights look. How do they not realize they're blocking up the exit? Do they realize it's a safety hazard? I doubt it, with 1.2 Billion countrymen, thinking about other peoples space doesn't really register much.

Someday I will return to the land of tranquil solitude and home of the straight walkers, but until then I'll have to learn to dart in and out of holes like a running back. The only advantage I have is the gift of vision... at least I can see over the crowds of zig-zaggers.