WALK this way

One would think that from country to county walking is similar. It seems a logical guess that Americans and Chinese walk the same, or at least similarly enough that I wouldn't notice, concentrate or obsess over it like I do. In truth, I have enough material (read: complaints) to fill numerous blog posts. The good news is I'm here for a year and like any good writer, I can file them away for slow news days. Instead I'll just comment on one area of Chinese foot traffic; passing through door.

Now, I can hear you saying, "but Dan, how can the way Chinese people walk through doors upset you?" Your right, its not logical until you see it and realize for yourself the insanity they inflict upon themselves. I've reached my threshold and can't hold it in anymore.

In my country, America, when boarding a bus/train/subway/taxi/boat/sub-atomic particle transporter, we wait until those departing disembark from the vessel before trying to move aboard. The Chinese do not share this custom, instead making a mad rush at the door as soon as it opens, regardless of whether people on the other side of the door wish to get out. The mentality appears to be, 'get on board as fast as possible no matter what.' I have had most of my experience with this on the subways, and I am very thankful that my commute doesn't require me to travel during rush hours.

On the subway platform there is writing and demarkation lines which state (in Chinese!) where to wait for the doors to open, and where to keep clear to allow passengers off. For the most part, the 'keep clear' lines are just a guide as to where to stand to be the first one on the train. Unfortunately because Physics needs to be obeyed (2 objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time), when everyone getting on and off the train try to pass through the same little doorway at the same time, a massive shoving match erupts between the two sides. Eventually everyone gets where he or she is going, but I could do without the bodily intrusions and rumpled clothing.

How does one deal with this dilemma? Waiting until everyone passes works well enough if your getting on the train, but you can't wait to get off or you will be packed in by the oncoming traffic. Surely sometimes there are smaller crowds which behave in a near civilized manner and allow a singular path out the middle of the door, while the masses rush the edges again creating mayhem, but at least letting a few people off the train with minimal shoving. Yet the 1.2 billion people in China are not all as polite, or conscious that there could be a gentler way to board a train, and sometimes one must confront the dilemma.

Again, I have found 3 options.
1) Let them shove you. If you just raise your knees, the crowd will literally carry you either on or off the train. This works well if you don't value your personal space or belongings (my biggest fear in these scrums)
B) Shout in Chinese "Tzu Lu", which I'm told means 'rude'. This is effective for very large violent groups because it causes shame among all the Chinese. Shame is a powerful tool, as the thought of 'loosing face' is such a motivator. The desired effect is something paramount to Moses parting the Red Sea. I've seen it used to great success.
III) Drop your shoulder and act like your on the Patriots offensive line. I'll admit, perhaps this is culturally insensitive (although I'm not sure, everyone else seems to be alright with shoving). I reserve this for the singular punk or two who clearly blocks the door and seems to be squaring me for a shoving match. But lets face facts, I'm 6'2" and weigh around 185Lb (I need to join a gym, that's not muscle weight), which is a couple of inches taller and a few dozen pounds heavier than your average Chinese person; I win. This is not to say I go Logan Mankins (Patriots all-pro offensive tackle) on little old grandma. No, I reserve that for the smug 20 something guy who thinks he can get on that train before I get off - he can't.

Why don't they just wait? What's wrong with letting people off first? I may never know, but I just have to make sure you got my pun in the 2nd paragraph - 'I've reached my threshold...' get it?! We're talking about doorways and.... ahh, alright. I'll stop.